Life Without You
by Erik's Rose
Summary: Here you go, sequel to Don't Go please RR. If you haven't read Don't Go read that first
1. Parted

-1Here you are sweeties! Thanks for reviews, keep at it and I promise to write more. ;-) Loves.

Kindest Regards

ER

Hermione closed her eyes and leant back in her seat as the train pulled out of Hogsmeade station. She was speeding away from the castle that had been her home for so long, and she knew she was leaving her heart behind. She let the memories fill her head. The first time she'd arrived, a new arrival, excited at becoming a witch. The time Harry and Ron had saved her from the troll and they'd become friends. The Yule ball she'd gone to with Victor Krum, the shock at Cedric Diggory's death, the battle with Voldemort and the time she'd spent with Severus Snape. She smiled in spite of herself. She'd never told Harry and Ron about her relationship with Snape, she wasn't sure Ron would have been able to handle it. She still felt sorry for turning him down when he'd asked her out, but it couldn't be helped, she didn't love him like that. That was how she loved Snape. She pushed thoughts of him out of her head, it would do no good to dwell on thoughts of him now she'd left him. She focused instead on looking forward to seeing Harry, it had been several months since they'd last seen each other. He'd promised to take her out for lunch to catch up when she got to London. She had her initiation to the ministry in a week and he was going to brief her on who to avoid, who to impress and who to be honest with. He'd worked at the ministry for five years and being who he was had helped him gain respect but he knew how hard it was to be accepted. Some members were not as reputable as others and lamented the loss of the money many death eaters and former death eaters had poured into the ministry before Voldemort's return to power and subsequent defeat had come about. Hermione's involvement in Voldemort's final battle was well known and she knew that some ministry members were less than enthusiastic about her application to join the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Department having been accepted. She allowed her thoughts to wander. She thought of Quidditch matches, Ron's fascination at the everyday appliances in her house the summer he and Harry had spent with her, Ginny and Harry's wedding, teaching their children how to perform the spell for conjuring sweets out of thin air. Ron's acceptance into the Chudley Cannons Quidditch team after their keeper had retired. Dumbledore's portrait congratulating her on filling the post of the Muggle Studies professor, Snape's smile that night… Hermione snapped her eyes open and silently scolded herself for slipping up again. She had to forget those few short years at Hogwarts as a teacher. She was leaving to start again, and that was what she was going to do if it killed her. Which, she thought with sadness, it just might.

Snape sat down heavily in his armchair by the fire. He had watched her leave, seen her look back before she disappeared from sight to go down to Hogsmeade. That was what had been hard, seeing her look back. In those brief couple of seconds he had willed her to change her mind and stay, but she'd turned away and continued away from Hogwarts and out of his life. He just didn't know what to do. His mind kept replaying every moment they'd spent together. Even memories of her time as his student kept invading his mind. He had always been interested in her. She was incredibly talented and wise beyond her years. It had been a shock when he'd noticed she'd transformed from a talented young girl into a brilliant and accomplished woman. He couldn't pin point the exact point he'd fallen for he, but he had, hook line and sinker. He had never thought she'd return his feelings but she had, however briefly, and now she had gone. It was unlikely their paths would cross again. There was no reason for her to revisit the school, the ministry kept out of Hogwarts affairs and even if they didn't, the misuse of muggle artefacts wasn't a practise carried out within school grounds. Snape amused himself by the thought of what would happen if he decided to mess with a teacup or something just to see her again. His amusement was short lived. To think he would never see Hermione again, never see her smile, never hear her voice, never touch her again, feel her hair between his fingers, her lips beneath his own. Snape turned to the fire, and wept.


	2. Harry

-1 "Hermione!" Harry's beaming face greeted Hermione as she disembarked from the train at platform 9 ¾. Hermione managed to smile back.

"It's good to see you again Harry." She kissed his cheek and he took her suitcase. "How's Ginny?"

"Blooming, as ever." Harry grinned. "She wants another baby. Heaven knows why we already have three. She complains about them enough." Harry smiled, so did Hermione. She knew that, despite how he acted, Harry would be perfectly happy to have ten children. They passed through the barrier into Kings Cross and wandered through London towards Covent Garden. They came to a restaurant, Harry was obviously well known and they got a table straight away. After they ordered Harry started the conversation.

"So, are you looking forward to it?"

"I don't really know, I suppose I'm still getting used to the idea. It's a big change after Hogwarts. I have been there for a huge chunk of my life."

"Tell me about it." Harry smiled. "It's been your home for a long time. Oh, I almost forgot. I have some news."

"You mean apart from your lovely wife planning to extend the family?" Hermione teased. Harry laughed.

"Yes, apart from that. Guess who's going out with Padma Patil."

"Who?"

"Ron."

"No!"

"Oh yeah. Don't know how he did it but he managed to get one of the best looking girls in our year. Not that I'm complaining, I have got the beautiful Ginny Weasley." he winked at Hermione, who laughed. "What about you though Hermione? I'm married and Ron's got a girl, how's your love life? Got some secret fiancé tucked away that we don't know about?" He grinned. Hermione's smile shook slightly but Harry didn't notice. Not quite a fiancé, but a man she loved more than existence. A man she'd had to leave behind. She changed the subject, and their food arrived.

"So, you've told me who to avoid at the ministry, what next?"

"Well, there's the minister's secretary, Amanda Peasblossom, she is the greatest gossip in the world so don't let anything slip, but she's fantastic for a girly chat, I know, I have to avoid her like the plague. I get enough of that at home. You should come over more often Hermione and rescue me." Hermione laughed again, she'd missed Harry. The strangest thing about being a teacher at Hogwarts was being the only one there from her year. When she'd been there as a student, she, Harry and Ron had been known as the golden trio, when they'd left it was strange being back there without them. That and the fact her former teachers became her colleagues. Calling Professor McGonagall, Minerva and Dumbledore, Albus and Severus…There she went again, and she never thought of him as Professor Snape now. She shook herself mentally, and focused back on what Harry was saying, she was meant to be forgetting. Even as she told herself that, a small voice sounded at the back of her head '_Who are you trying to kid? You'll never forget him, never._'


	3. Reason

-1 A/N Forgive the shortness of these chapters but I'm eager lol

Please review, it motivates me

Kindest Regards

ER

Snape swirled his brandy around in it's glass, not really wanting it. He was thinking of Hermione again. The young and pretty Gryffindor know-it-all was now the beautiful, talented witch who haunted his dreams. His dreams, Severus Snape now couldn't get through the night without dreaming of her. He had sworn never to let anyone get close to him, but she'd got through his barriers and he'd let her in, now she'd gone and left a hollow empty void. He threw his brandy at the wall.

"At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet!" he shouted with scorn. Then his voice dropped in volume. "Seems Plato that you missed it affects one's thoughts." he growled. He stood and turned his attention to the essays he's marked during lunch, to avoid having to enter the great hall. He had absolutely nothing to do, except read, and he had lost the conviction for that in light of recent events. He suddenly noticed a tapping at the window, he let the owl in and removed the letter before offering it a small morsel. He unfolded the letter idly.

_Dear Severus,_

_Please come and see me in my study at your convenience, I have a matter to discuss with you._

_Sincerely,_

_Albus_

He scowled, he really wasn't in the mood to talk to Dumbledore, and he had a feeling what the talk was going to be about, but he knew he had to go, he had nothing better to do after all. He left his rooms and strode down the corridor, hardly noticing the students scurrying to get out of his way. When he reached the familiar door he raised his hand to knock before it swung open.

_How does he do that?_

Dumbledore smiled at him, almost sympathetically.

"Do come in, Severus." Snape entered and sat opposite Dumbledore as he gestured to the chair. He sat straight and unmoving, waiting for Dumbledore to begin. Dumbledore steepled his fingers and regarded Snape over the rim of his spectacles.

"I believe you can guess the reason behind my summons, Severus."

"I have a suspicion headmaster."

"It is about Miss Granger in a way."

"I had guessed that much sir. I suppose you've noticed a change since she left us."

"In you especially Severus, does it effect you so very much?" Snape frowned and stared at the edge of Dumbledore's desk, trying to find the right words. In the end he reasoned the simplest thing to say was the truth in it's simplest form.

"I love her."


	4. The Ministry

-1 Hermione looked around her small office. She smiled in spite of herself. Were it not for the various wizarding books lining the shelves it could have been any muggle office. She could see herself settling in quite well in a very short space of time. There came a knock at her door.

"Come in."

"Hello Hermione." The smiling face of Arthur Weasley greeted her. She smiled warmly and stood up.

"Mr Weasley, it's lovely to see you."

"Please Hermione, we work together, Arthur will suffice surely. You have spent a significant amount of time calling your former professors by their first names, mine should be no problem." Hermione smiled again, pushing away the thought of how easy it was to address one former professor in particular by his first name. "I was thinking Hermione, seeing as we work in the same department, how about I give you a few stories over our lunch break."

"I'd love to." Hermione smiled again.

"Brilliant." Arthur smiled warmly. "Well I must be off, got some plugs to sort through, might be able to get a few for my collection." Hermione waited until he'd left to allow herself to laugh. He'd have a field day at her parents house. She sighed and looked around her office again. It was slightly depressing. She had very few personal belongings. She knew for a fact both Harry and Arthur had photographs of their families in their offices. Even Ron carried a photo of his family in his wallet. She didn't even have a picture of her parents or friends. She didn't really have a family of her own, and things as they were she was never likely to. She was still Hermione Granger the confident know it all who's only talent was academic. She had at one point thought that maybe she could be more than just a clever witch, but not anymore. She'd given up her life to the ministry, working in the only job other than teaching she would be any good at, and destined to live her life alone. She had thought this would never happen, as a child and teenager she'd fantasised about falling in love, getting married and having children. Now she was single and lonely doing a job she had little passion for. It interested her but didn't excite or motivate her as teaching had done. The only thing about this job that would really remind her she was a witch would be the fact that most of the muggle artefacts she handled would do something out of the ordinary. Otherwise she might as well be investigating the possibility of stolen goods. She sighed and looked round her office again. It had never seemed like this would be where it would end. All the things she'd done in her school days, getting to the philosophers stone, when the chamber of secrets had been opened, rescuing Sirius, helping Harry during the triwizard tournament, when Voldemort returned and she'd joined the order,, hunting for horcruxes and hen, the final battle, when they'd lost Tonks and Lupin and almost lost Snape. Harry was an auror and Ron had followed in Charlie's footsteps and was studying dragons in China, waiting for an opening in the Chudley Cannons. What had she become? A ministry nobody. She should never have left Hogwarts, never have left behind Professor Granger, but she had, and she could never go back.

"I cannot say I know how you feel Severus, and I doubt any kind of comforting words cliché or otherwise will help."

"Thank you for not attempting headmaster."

"I had hoped that maybe I was mistaken in my suspicion that she meant more to you than a colleague, or a friend. How long were the two of you…involved?" Snape considered for a moment, he couldn't even pinpoint the moment he'd fallen for her, or even when he'd acknowledged it. How did he determine how long it had been going on? He supposed he should go from the moment they'd both admitted it to each other. The only problem was he couldn't remember exactly when that was.

"I'm afraid I can't be sure, Albus. I really can't pinpoint any thing really in our relationship." Snape swallowed, mentioning out loud was making his emotions rise again. Dumbledore nodded in understanding.

"I cannot think what you should do Severus, Miss Granger left of her own accord and this is really between the two of you. I am just hoping we shall not lose our potions master over it. We have only just lost our muggle studies professor after all." Snape nodded and left, he didn't really want t break down in front of Dumbledore. He swept down to the dungeons, again oblivious to the students scurrying out of his way and often attempting to be several corridors away before he'd taken another step. At least, Professor McGonagall thought as she saw him pass, whatever was affecting him had not altered his reputation.

Hermione had to admit to herself that she was having a good time with Mr Weasley, or Arthur as she tried o remind herself to call him. He had some good stories, they'd just finished sharing a laugh over an amateur wizard who'd transfigured a teacup into a whistle that shot tea when it was blown; when the subject of Hogwarts was raised.

"Sometimes it seems like it was only yesterday when I was a student there myself and even Ginny's left now. It must have been strange being back so soon after leaving."

"It was. It was strange to call all my former professors by their first names. It was also strange being back without Harry and Ron. It really was a unique experience." She sighed a little, she missed Hogwarts. As if sensing her thoughts, Arthur smiled sympathetically.

"I suppose starting at any new place is strange. It can be daunting but you'll get used to it. I'm sure you'll settle in quickly Hermione, who's going to know muggles better than you?" Hermione smiled at Arthur, it was nice to work with him. She felt a little guilty for wishing she was at Hogwarts. She had Harry, Ginny, Arthur and probably soon Ron to spend time with here. Her job was a good one and there was more to life than Hogwarts, plenty to do besides teaching, other men besides…no, not that thought, she wouldn't finish that thought, it was too late. The thought finished itself, there were other men, but no one like him.

Snape stared at the owl. The owl stared back. Snape sighed and removed the message from the owls leg. Without so much as a pause the owl flew off. Snape threw the letter onto his table. He was in no mood to read a letter from the ministry before he had to. He knew by the seal it wasn't from Hermione, he didn't really care about some message from the ministry if it wasn't from her. After about half an hour of trying to ignore the letter, he tore it open. He frowned as he read it. He reread it three times then set off to see Dumbledore.

"Severus, what's the matter?"

"The ministry wishes to speak to me headmaster, or rather the minister does." Dumbledore steepled his fingers together.

"You have no idea what it's about Severus?"

"No. And I'm not sure I want to.

Whether you want to or not I'm afraid you have no choice. It may be that the minister and I don't get on and that the ministry doesn't have much say in the running of Hogwarts but I cannot give you leave to ignore the ministers request…if indeed it can be called that."

Severus nodded he understood that, whatever the minister had to say to him, it could not be avoided.


	5. Truce

-1 Hermione stirred her tea absently, not really aware of what she was doing as it cooled on her desk. She had absolutely nothing to do and wished she could scream. It hadn't even been a week and she was already sick of her job. She longed to go back to Hogwarts and teach again. She missed her students and her schedule and her lessons and her colleagues and…Severus. Oh god how she missed him. She had to give up trying to forget and not think about him, he was always on he mind. Wasn't that always the way with someone you fell in love with? She would give anything to go back, but she couldn't, she knew that. After everything that had happened it was best for her to stay away, to let him forget her, to let Hogwarts return to the way it had been before. Maybe it would have been better if she'd never gone there to teach at all. It would have been good to leave Hogwarts as nothing more than a memory of her school days. When she, Ron and Harry had learned together, laughed together, cried together and broken rules together. Though she had never been into their frequent mischief making she'd broken more than her fair share of rules. Those memories were some of the happiest of her life. She smiled in remembrance of when Ginny and Harry had first gotten together. It had been incredibly romantic, no tiptoeing around, no long looks or false starts, he'd just gone straight in and kissed her, in front of everyone. Ginny was one lucky woman. Hermione's smile faded as she thought of Harry and Ginny. Happily married with three children. Even Ron was in a relationship, and with a beautiful girl. Here she was, single, her biological clock ticking loudly, her heart miles away and a job she hated. How had it come to this?

"Hermione would you open the door I need to tell you something." Harry rapped sharply on the door to her office again. Hermione sighed, she couldn't avoid the world forever. She quickly cast a charm to conceal the redness in her eyes and hide the fact she'd been crying, then opened the door with a second wave of her wand. Harry walked in and closed the door behind him. "You are not going to believe this."

"What?"

"Snape's coming." It took Hermione a minute to register exactly what Harry had said.

"What?"

"Snape's coming." Harry repeated.

"What do you mean Snape's coming?"

"The minister sent him an owl, I just heard it from Amanda, don't know why the minister has her as a secretary, if he sneezes she'd spread it round before he has a chance to draw breath. Anyway no-one knows why he's been summoned and apparently neither does he."

"So…why are you telling me?"

"I thought you might know something, what with working at Hogwarts and everything. I mean I know we never really got on with Snape but you did work at the same school and that's always rife with gossip. And even though you, Ron and I hated Snape at school, he did turn out to be good in essentials and I don't want to hear he's been arrested or something, despite what he used to be." Harry paused for a moment. "Now there's something I never thought I'd say." He grinned at Hermione, who managed, with no little effort, to muster a faint smile. Harry's brow furrowed in concern.

"Hey don't worry 'Mione. I'm sure it'll be fine, I just thought you should know in case you knew something. Just forget it, I'm sure it's nothing. You never know the ministry might want to offer him a special project or work, though why they'd drag him down here I don't know. Probably some top secret experiment the unspeakables need him to help with or something. Anyway, I'll see you later." Harry turned and was about to leave when he seemed to think of something and turned. He met Hermione's blank expression. "One thing Hermione, why was your door locked?"

Snape stared unseeingly at the people milling about the ministry when he got there. There was only a few people he would notice out of this crowd and none of them seemed to be in the entrance hall, which was no surprise. He walked towards the lift and got in, sighing as it filled with people. Just before the doors closed he saw Harry get in. Harry hadn't noticed Snape but when the lift stopped at the first floor and everyone but Harry, Snape and a surly looking goblin were left Snape spoke up.

"Good afternoon, Potter." He said civilly.

"Good afternoon, Snape." Harry replied evenly, only his raised eyebrows betraying his surprise at Snape's greeting.

"How are you?" Snape asked. Harry blinked, the civil greeting was one thing but Snape was actually making conversation? He had not expected that.

"Err, I'm fine thank you. Keeping busy."

"I can imagine. I hear you and the rest of the Aurors are still rounding up or trying to find some death eaters who escaped."

"Yes, it is demanding. Ginny keeps complaining." Harry even took himself aback at the mention of his wife.

"And how is young Mrs Potter and everyone?"

"Oh they're fine, growing fast."

"I have heard it seems like that. It is the same with students…" Snape trailed off, Hermione coming to mind. She had grown up so fast he could have sworn he used a time turner.

"I suppose you mean Hermione." Snape replied Harry's rather perceptive remark with a terse nod. Harry smiled, remembering that Dumbledore had once let slip that if Snape suddenly became a little discourteous halfway through a conversation it was probably best to change the subject. It was interesting, he suspected Snape didn't like the fact that one of Harry's friends had joined the faculty. He decided to let it drop though, he knew Snape was here for a reason apparently no-one knew, and didn't want to aggravate him. "I understand you turned down an order of Merlin Snape."

"I did not deserve one, you deserved yours." That took Harry even more by surprise. Praise from Snape was a rarity indeed, and non existent for him. He nodded mutely in thanks, which Snape himself acknowledged with a friendly nod. They were silent for a moment. Harry was thinking, it seemed he and Snape had managed to find some kind of middle ground. He supposed it was no big deal. They were no longer teacher and student, Harry had no reason really to think badly of Snape, the past was the past, and Snape had proved himself far more than he should have had to. Harry smiled and held his hand out to Snape. Snape looked mildly surprised, yet pleased.

"It was good to see you again, Professor Snape."

"And to see you, Mr Potter." They shook hands then the lift stopped and Harry left. As the doors closed again Snape let a small smile creep onto his lips, so there was hope for the boy after all.

A/N Yes, yes I know they're short, I shall try to make the next chapter longer, I just felt this was a good place to stop. Please R/R

Kindest Regards

ER


	6. Assignment

-1 Snape scowled. That secretary of the minister's was giving him looks and it was disconcerting. He looked away, wishing he could go in, whilst wishing at the same moment he'd never have to find out what this meeting was about. No- one seemed to know what this meeting was for, he wouldn't have been surprised if the minister himself didn't know with the secrecy that seemed to surround the issue. Such was the mystery that not only was everyone talking about it, everyone was speculating about it too. Some said he was being arrested, some he was going to replace the minister, some he was going to work on helping to keep something hushed up, that he had to do something for the unspeakables, rumours and theories had nearly deafened him and he would be glad to get it over with. Well…to some extent, just to know what the bloody hell was going on would be enough to calm him considerably. At the moment however, it seemed he would have to have patience. He sighed and closed his eyes, letting his thoughts wander, soon enough they wondered to Hermione, beautiful, intellectual, unattainable Hermione. The woman who'd broken his heart. The woman who, instead of being the making of him, had broken him. Why could he not forget her? That had been the whole point of her leaving, much good it had done.

"You can go in now." The unbelievably girly voice of the minister's secretary broke through Snape's thoughts and he entered the ministers office, keeping his expression calm and impassive.

"Good afternoon, Snape."

"Good afternoon, Minister."

"I'm glad you came. I have a request to make of you." Inwardly, Snape rolled his eyes. The minister never made requests, you did what you were told or he'd make life very difficult for you, and he had a lot of information which could make Snape's life incredibly difficult. He waited patiently for the minister to continue.

"We have received a report that a wizard has cast a spell on a muggle toy resembling a cauldron so that at a certain time a forgetfulness potion will explode from it, this is a very serious matter. I need you to make the potion, I am told, will reverse the spell by putting it into the cauldron." Snape frowned, this seemed a rather trivial matter.

"I'm afraid I do not understand Minister, surely you have people at your disposal who could execute such simple task."

"It may be a simple task, but the circumstances surrounding it are not. Perhaps if I explain exactly the circumstances. In one week it shall be All Hallows Eve, so not only is the object in question going to be difficult to find, it could already be in the hands of an unsuspecting muggle child, all available members of the misuse of muggle artefacts office will be required to find it, only that is not possible. I need people to be discreet about this so only our newest member of the department is to be allowed to know of the situation and discover the artefact. This individual shall be east to persuade to not share the information and will need someone she can trust to be by her side to administer the potion the second the object is found due to the likely hood time will be short. Therefore I need you to have the potion and accompany our young employee on her assignment. All in all Snape, this mess needs to be sorted quickly, quietly and perhaps most importantly, quickly. You are someone our member can trust and there should be no trouble in getting started, do we have an agreement?" Snape had to remind himself to breath. He knew exactly who the Minister was talking department, he also knew it was a bad idea to acquiesce to the request, yet he wanted to see Hermione again and he knew he couldn't refuse or his life would be anything but plain sailing. With reluctance, Snape slowly inclined his head. The Minister smiled. "Good. Now I assume you can have the potion ready by tomorrow?" Again Snape inclined his head, not trusting himself to be able to speak without contempt lacing his voice. "Now, this is to be a secret assignment, as your partner shall be made well aware and you and she shall meet me here at nine tomorrow, yes?"

"Yes." Snape managed to keep his voice emotionless.

"Until tomorrow then." The Minster nodded at Snape who reciprocated then left, feeling a strange mixture of annoyance and elation. Whatever happened now, he would see Hermione again. There was only one problem…what if she didn't want to see him?

Hermione sighed, she was in no mood to see anyone, but she couldn't really ignore the summons from the minister, and he had, had the courtesy to wait until after lunch and well before a feasible time to have a coffee break. She was a little apprehensive about going, after all it was the day Severus had been summoned, but she had heard on the vine that he had long since been and gone. She slowly made her way to the ministers office, automatically saluting a few people and found herself being let straight in by Amanda.

"Miss Granger, do sit down I have an assignment for you." Hermione didn't know whether to feel relief or fear. She was dying for something to do but being summoned to personally see the minister she wasn't sure she was going to like what her assignment was to be. After the explanation of a muggle toy and the secrecy she was expected to keep she mentally reeled. The secrecy she couldn't understand, nor the need for a so far unnamed partner. She had too much on her mind to figure it out though, she felt she jut wanted to get it over with. She assured the Minister that the information would not leave the room and that she would perform the job to the best of her ability, she felt like she was on autopilot. She was just about to leave when her brain decided to jolt her into gear.

"Excuse me minister, but who is my partner to be."

"Oh yes, an old friend you'll be fine together, Severus Snape."

She wasn't quite sure how she did it, how long it took, or whether or not she'd cast a locking charm on her door, but next thing she knew, she was in her office, her elbows on her desk, her head in her hands, and the tears flowing freely. She was going to have to face him again.


	7. Logic

A/N I know I've neglected this story for a long time but I have a hectic life. I also realise this chapter is a little on the short side *dodges bullets* I'm sorry but I promise to make more of an effort...if you review 

Snape rearranged his potions cupboard for what seemed like the fiftieth time, he was desperately trying to occupy his mind and was rapidly running out of things to do. He'd marked all the essays he'd got in what felt like record time. He'd started as many potions as he could without blowing up his lab, he'd rearranged his stores, written orders for things he was running low on and even read two of his books. His mind refused to rest though, his thoughts were patiently waiting t be explored but would not wait forever. Snape sighed and sank into his chair. Hermione. That was all his thought wanted to explore, Hermione Granger, his Hermione. He tried time and time again to put her out of his mind but she stayed securely latched on like a limpet, a beautiful, intelligent limpet. A limpet none the less, practically impossible to unlatch. He could not see how on earth he was going to get through this, how he was going to complete ministry orders while having to work with her. It had been hard enough those last few weeks in Hogwarts, where they had skirted round the issue that they were both dying to resolve. It was still there really, they hadn't talked about it; they had only thinly touched upon it when Hermione left, and even that had been an incredibly vague reference. It had been her reason for going and they hadn't even mentioned it, some relationship. There was more than that problem to worry about though. With their history it was going to be awkward spending time together at best. Both of them would be walking on eggshells, terrified the other was going to bring something up or say something that they weren't ready for. Apart from that he had no idea how Hermione was, for all he knew she'd blanked that part of her life out, maybe had even pulled herself together and moved on. Would their first meeting consist of his being updated on her marital status? He didn't know, but he sure as hell did care. He didn't know how he'd take the news she'd found someone else and he frankly didn't relish the thought of finding out. There were basically two options, he could either do what was asked of him and find some way of working with Hermione or he could refuse and wait to see what would happen, which would either be hell on earth or hell in Azkaban. Snape seriously contemplated the latter until realising that wasn't really an option, he had to work with Hermione, and he was going to have to deal with it. There was only one thing he couldn't quite understand, why in god's name was something he knew such a bad idea, be something that he could not wait to start.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Hermione threw the tennis ball at the wall, it bounced back and she caught it, she'd been doing this for almost two hours. The logical part of her mind, which was usually dominant, was telling her she was starting to show signs of an insane person. The illogical part of her mind which had suddenly gained a rather loud voice, was telling her that maybe if she threw and caught the ball enough times it might explode and save her from the increasing horror that was her existence. Logical or not it helped keep her mind away from the one thing she did not want to think about. Then she missed the ball, it flew behind her and reality bombarded her with a vengeance. She could hide from it all she liked but the fact of the matter was, she was going to have to work with Severus again, and she was sure it was going to kill her. Indeed it would be a miracle if she survived the first day without killing herself just to escape from it all. She was close enough to doing that as it was. Her job had become nauseatingly mundane, mind numbingly boring and with an assignment she was sure should have been assigned to the unmentionables looming on the ever approaching horizon she was surprised she'd lasted as long as she had. She didn't know what was keeping her going but it was obvious that someone did not like her; if God existed she was going to have serious words with Him. She sighed and tried to think like a sane person. There was no getting out of the assignment she knew that, she had to try and be professional about it. There was no need for this to turn into anything more than it was, work. She and Severus were two adults that could exercise a little control. They had spent some time apart and could act as any other two adults would, with professional formality and distance.

"We can." She said out loud, attempting to convince herself. "I'm a professional, I can do this, I can face this." No sooner had the words left her mouth that her mind rebuked her. _You're lying Hermione Granger; this is going to be hell on earth. _She sighed and rolled her eyes. She pulled a mirror out of her handbag and stared herself straight in the eye.

"No shit, Sherlock!"


	8. What Do I Say

A/N Very short. Just to tide you over before I dinish a longer, better chapter. Regards

"Severus, if you will insist on pacing vary your route a little, you're wearing a hole in my favourite rug."

"Must you lace everything with humour, Albus?"

"In a situation like this Severus, I can't help but be a little amused."

"Oh really." Snape stopped pacing and sank into one of Dumbledore's armchairs. "You find this amusing? You find the fact I've got to work professionally with Hermione humorous? The whole point of her leaving was so that we would never see each other again." Dumbledore heard the catch in Snape's voice when he spoke about Hermione's departure. He placed a comforting hand on Snape's shoulder.

"What is it that concerns you, Severus?" He asked gently. Snape swallowed hard.

"I don't know. I just feel…empty. Like If I see her again that'll just make me lose control of my emotions. What if when I see her she doesn't love me anymore? I don't think I could take that."

"I don't know what to tell you Severus. There is one thing though, I saw you and Hermione together and I do not believe for one second that she no longer loves you."

"That may be so Albus, but that simply gives me another problem."

"And what is that my friend?"

"What on earth do I say?"

"Hermione, I can't help you if you won't tell me what's wrong."

"I've told you Harry, it's nothing."

"I don't think it's nothing when I walk into your office to find you in absolute floods. What did the minister say?"

"I can't talk about it Harry, I'm not allowed."

"Then at least tell me why you're upset."

"No." Harry sighed.

"Fine. If you decide you want to tell me you know where my office is." Harry left closing the door gently behind him. Hermione sighed, wishing she'd had the sense to put a locking charm on the door. Not that she'd been in any state to exercise common sense. She just didn't know what to do, she didn't think she had the strength to see Severus again, not after everything that had happened. They'd been through so much together, then she'd had to leave, and now she had to see him again. What was she supposed to do? There was no way out of this, yet she would have given away everything she owned to avoid having to take on the assignment. She couldn't face it, she couldn't face him. After what she'd done he must hate her. She was a war hero, she was intellectually brilliant, she was one of the most powerful and talented witches of the age, but she couldn't take him hating her. There was a chance, a small chance that he didn't hate her, an even slimmer chance that he still loved her. Either way, Hermione had a huge problem. When she saw him again, what on earth was she going to say?


	9. Planning

**A/N Greetings my lovelies, I'm back! Soooo sorry I've neglected this for so long, hope your still eager to read on, I'm figuring out how to work the so far undisclosed part of Severus and Hermione's story into the narrative but fear not, I feel inspiration approaching, until then, they have to meet again!**

Hermione massaged her temples, wondering if she should seek psychiatric help. She had beaten her answering machine in her apartment so violently her neighbour had called the police, thinking she was beating someone to death. She hadn't slept in nearly twenty-four hours and she was two steps away from writing' All work and no play makes Jill a dull girl' over and over again on the piece of parchment in front of her. She'd broken five quills and spilt two inkwells so far and the day wasn't even half over, the morning was barely half way through come to that. She had gone over a million times in her head, what she was going to say to Severus when she saw him again, every single thing she thought of to say sounded ludicrous. How do you address someone who's heart you'd probably broken? How do you greet someone you thought you'd never see again? How do you face someone you went through so much with, with complete indifference? She still loved him, she still wanted him, but she was supposed to be no more than his partner on an assignment, they were not supposed to draw any attention to the past because it would hurt too much. That's why she had left, that's why she'd ended their relationship, that's why...that's why she had absolutely no idea what she was going to say. In the end she decided the only thing she could say without hating herself was hello. It was the only safe option, but it couldn't be the only word she said to him or they'd never get anything done, and she would be forced to seek psychiatric help if she seemed to loose the ability of speech. She hoped that whatever he said would give her guidance on what to say and how to act. She'd leave it up to him, she'd let whatever he had to say direct her pattern of speech. That was the only way she would ever get through this. She just hoped to Merlin that it would be enough.

****

Severus lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Albus had been decidedly unhelpful in Severus' search for the best thing to say when he saw Hermione again. Well really, 'Speak with your heart'? What kind of suicidal plan was that? For one thing, Severus wasn't sure his heart still had the power of speech and for another, he was terribly concerned that whatever his heart would say would make him appear to be an absolute lunatic. He had no idea how Hermione was, for all he knew she'd met someone and was having a fabulous time of it. What if he left his opening sentence up to his heart and the damnable thing decided to declare it's undying devotion, what kind of awful scene would that lead to? In the end he conceded that the best course of action would be to let Hermione do the talking. If he allowed her to direct the conversation he would be more aware of where they both stood and then there would be less chance that he would make an absolute ass of himself. He sighed. She was probably the only woman in the world who could throw him so off. He was known for his confidence, he never faltered, never gave anything away. With Hermione it was like he was a totally different man. He had to think through what he was saying because he wanted to be completely honest and sincere and to make sure she took everything he said the way it was intended. He paid more attention to his tone and his criticism became teasing, his sneer an affectionate grin. Although he had liked how different he was with Hermione, it had become one hell of an inconvenience. If only she had never left. He should have fought harder to get her to stay, been more insistent that they talk about what had happened but it had been too hard, for both of them. For them to talk about what had happened would have been to admit the truth, something neither of them had been fully prepared to do, and now it was too late. He had to stop thinking of the past it was too painful, not that the future was an awful lot easier. At least he had a plan now. He'd let Hermione lead the conversation, then they'd get the assignment over and done with and could go back to being apart. She could go back to whatever it was she was doing and he could go back to being painfully alone and confused. It wasn't the best plan in the world but at least it was a clear and straightforward one. Severus sighed again before turning on his side and drifting into a fitful sleep, his dreams full of Hermione.

Hermione stared at the ceiling trying to clear her mind, though as soon as she would get thought of family, friends and work out of her head the space would immediately filled with a certain man she had tried so desperately to forget. She decided to give up trying to sleep and find a way to distract herself. The only problem was, by the time she'd left her bed and started making herself a coffee, a wave of emotion suddenly attacked her. She collapsed to her knees and sobbed. It was the first time she'd thought about everything that had happened since she'd left. It was all too much. She had never talked about it, never shared her burden, never allowed herself to fully acknowledge it and now it hit her full force combined with the strength she had used to bury it deep inside. If she had left it buried any longer the impact of it would have killed her when it finally hit. She curled into a ball and let the sobs shake her small frame. How she wished she had Severus with her. He would hold her, stroke her hair, gently rock her and tell her that he understood, that it was fine to cry. That thought made her cry all the harder until she was practically wailing. All the hurt, all the pain, all the despair was battering her with no mercy. She struggled to her feet and reached her wand. After quickly casting a silencing charm to lessen the chances of the neighbours being disturbed she collapsed again and let herself cry.

It was four hours later her crying subsided enough to give her the ability to stand, be it shakily and remake the coffee. Still crying but finally able to function she sat on the couch with her drink and drank it, ignoring the scalding heat as it ran down her throat. She felt severely dehydrated and needed something to hurt her she felt so numb. It had been so hard to talk about what had happened but she knew the pain couldn't have been worse than what had just happened. She wondered if Severus was going through the same thing. Although she couldn't imagine him collapsing with grief it had to be hard on him. He didn't have the friends and family she did. Although she never mentioned anything about it she had that support group. She knew he had few friends yet she had left him to deal with his pain all on his own. With a sigh she rested her head on the back of the sofa and closed her eyes.

"Oh Serverus," she whispered. "I'm so sorry!"


	10. What Happened?

**A/N Seems not to follow the previous chapter but it will be explained.**

Hermione rapped her nails on her desk. Watching them intently, wondering absently if she should have got a manicure.

"For heaven's sake Hermione, will you please stop doing that? It's driving me insane."

"If you're going to invade my office Harry, you're going to have to put up with what I do."

"You know why I'm here."

"There is no need to babysit me."

"You look dreadful."

"Thank you."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Well you know a girl loves to hear that she looks dreadful. Remind me how long you've been married Harry?"

"Stop trying to change the subject Hermione. I'm your best friend; if you can't talk to me who can you talk to?"

"Harry, I've told you. I'm fine. Though if you keep badgering me I'll be forced to tell you that the problem is I'm getting murderous feelings for my best friend!" Harry sighed and leant forward, his elbows resting on Hermione's desk, his head in his hands.

"What happened to you? What took the fire from your eyes? You haven't been the same since you came here. At first I thought it was just the huge change and once you'd settled you'd be yourself again. If anything you've got worse. Why won't you tell me what the matter is?" The concern in his voice made Hermione's heart twist. Harry was the best friend she'd ever had, even better than Ginny. She hadn't shared her pain with anyone though, not even Severus, and he knew exactly what she was going through. Harry raised his head to look at her, he looked devastated, like she'd died and he was looking at her photograph. Had she really changed that much? Had her old self been totally eclipsed by her heartache? Either way she couldn't tell Harry. No-one could know. That was the entire point. That was the reason she'd totally changed her life, that was the reason she'd left Hogwarts, that was the reason she was dreading seeing Severus again.

"I'm so sorry, Harry. I can't."

"Snape? I'd like a word with you." Snape jumped and turned his head to the fireplace. Harry Potter's face looked back at him from the green flames. Snape rose and walked to the fireplace.

"Might I inquire as to what Mr Potter?"

"It's about Hermione." Snape's jaw tightened slightly. Harry continued. "May I come in?" Snape nodded and Harry stepped through the fireplace. "Good afternoon Professor." Harry held out his hand after brushing ash from his robes.

"Good afternoon." Snape took Harry's hand and shook it. While it was by no means a warm handshake in was a genuinely sincere one. Snape gestured to a chair then sat opposite it. Harry sat down slowly, unsure of how to start.

"What about, Hermione, Mr Potter?" Snape regarded Harry; he looked a little worried which caused Snape's heart to speed up. Had something happened to her?

"I'm not really sure what to do. Ever since she came to work at the ministry something's been wrong. At first I just thought it was the change but lately…" He trailed off and sighed. "Something's happened to her and I just feel so helpless. She won't talk to me, as far as I can tell she doesn't talk to anyone. It's like the spark's gone out of her." Snape swallowed, he had a feeling he knew exactly what was wrong with Hermione. He couldn't very well tell Harry Potter though; it was not his to tell. It was true he was involved, massively. He was surprised at how well he'd managed to hide his own pain, but it gave him no right to tell Hermione's side. If people had wanted to know what he had and was going through she'd never betray him and he loved her too well to do anything less.

"I fail to understand why you wish to share this with me Mr Potter. I am sorry that Miss Granger is not herself but I do not see how it concerns me."

"You're her friend too Professor surely? She did used to work here."

"That does not automatically make us friends Mr Potter. You of all people should know that."

"You wear a clever mask Professor but I noticed, as you apparently did not, that when I first mentioned her you called her Hermione. Do not pretend to me you were not friends." Snape clenched his jaw. _Damn! _There was no way out of this. Harry knew as well as many others that it was only when talking to his colleagues Snape ever used their first names.

"What is it you want Mr Potter?"

"Have you any idea, any at all, what happened to her?" Snape swallowed hard. He knew exactly what it was. He could feel himself start to shake. _No. _He willed himself._ Keep calm, keep calm._

"Professor?" Harry's concerned tone made Snape open his eyes and look at Harry. He hadn't even realised he'd closed his eyes. "Professor, are you alright?" Snape swallowed again then sighed.

"I'm sorry. I can't help you." There was a pause.

"You know don't you?" Snape remained silent. "You should see her. It's almost as if she's not living anymore. There's no fire in her eyes anymore, it's just gone." Snape looked up sadly at Harry.

"I know. I watched it die."


	11. Keep Calm

Snape stared at his reflection and frowned. What on earth had Hermione seen in him? He was an ugly old man with straggly unkempt hair.

He'd always known he was old enough to be her father but he'd never reflected on how old he looked. It had never bothered him at all. Growing older was an inevitable fact of life and it didn't change his situation much. He didn't understand how someone like Hermione could find him attractive though. No wonder she had left. Starting a brand new life in a world full of handsome young man, or stay in an old castle with painful memories and an ugly old dungeon bat.

Snape scowled. Thank goodness he wasn't going to take Dumbledore's advice and allow his ignorant heart to do the talking. He absently wondered if Hermione had a new man before the image of her with someone else invaded his mind and made his stomach clench unpleasantly. He couldn't bear to think of her being with someone else. It was painful enough that she had left him without the thought of her falling for someone else. He still didn't understand exactly why she had left. They should have talked at least, but maybe events had led her to realise all she had in him was an old man with a questionable past. He scowled again and stalked to his fireplace. Taking a handful of floo powder he stepped into the fireplace. His last thought as he flooed to the ministry was. _My rooms look so empty._

****

Hermione was panicking. She couldn't feel her toes and she was wringing her hands. She was going to have a panic attack if she didn't get a hold of herself. She had exactly three minutes before she had to be at the minister's office and it was going to be the death of her. She'd been up all night dreading it. She was tired and drained and utterly terrified. She serious contemplated hexing herself just to get out of it.

'_Calm yourself girl and stop being so bloody dramatic.' _She chastised herself. She closed her eyes and took three deep breaths before squaring her shoulders and marching out of her office.

'_It's just another job, nothing extraordinary. It's just another assignment…..With Severus as my partner. Oh gods!"_

She stepped into the lift and dug her nails into her palms, trying to distract herself from the pounding of her heart and the knot of tension in her stomach. Before she knew it the lift stopped. She was so lost in her thoughts she almost forgot to get off, but a soft nudge behing her caused her to move forward. A few steps out she turned to apologise to whoever had nudged her. Her words stuck in her throat as she saw him.

"Hello Hermione."

"Hello Severus."

**A/N Yes, I'm evil I apologise. Just thought that was a good place to leave it. Will update soon I promise. Just need to collect my thoughts. **

**Kindest Regards**

**ER**


	12. Meeting

Hermione swallowed hard. She felt light-headed and had to remind herself to breath. Of all the scenarios she had imagined seeing Severus again this was definitely not it. She had forgotten how strongly he affected her. She expected to be prepared after some time apart, after spending a sleepless night trying to work out the best way to approach the situation, but it all left her head as she looked into his dark eyes again. She had always loved his eyes.

Snape was starting to seriously contemplate therapy. If just looking at her was going to make his mouth go dry and his mind go blank he had a serious problem. As long as they were apart he didn't have to see her, how were they to work together on an important assignment if all he could think about was how beautiful she was?

They stared at each other for a few moments before a cough brought them back to reality. They looked away from each other abruptly. The minister's secretary was regarding them with amusement. Hermione put her mask of cool indifference firmly in place and Snape gave the girl a look which made her smile vanish and made her feel like a student in detention again. Her eyes fixed on her desk.

"The minister will see you now." She said, trying and failing to keep her voice steady. Snape and Hermione swept passed her with alarming synchronisation and into the minister's office, both trying to ignore the fact that a rather large metaphorical elephant was following them.

The minister was standing at his desk smiling when Hermione and Severus entered. He sensed a little tension between the two, but dismissed it. Whatever it was, if anything, didn't matter. There were much more important matters at hand.

"Hermione, Severus, it is good to see you. I trust you are both well?" Hermione mustered a faint smile, Snape just scowled. The Minister raised his eyebrows but didn't comment. Neither was obviously in the mood for small talk. "Well shall we proceed?" The pair nodded. The Minister took his seat and Snape and Hermione sat the other side of his desk, carefully not looking at each other.

"Am I to assume you both read the briefing I sent?" The pair nodded again. The Minister frowned, something was definitely going on. "Is there a problem?" He inquired, leaning back a little in his chair and regarding the pair in his office. Hermione swallowed.

"No sir." She said. The Minister turned to Snape.

"Severus?"

"No minister." While the Minister didn't look convinced, he knew enough about his two guests to know better than to pry.

"Well, you both know the problem and the severity of the situation. We have no way of knowing exactly where the object is. As it happens however, the unspeakables have managed to give us a general location." He opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out a file.

"The object is in the West Midlands." Snape and Hermione both looked a little bewildered. The only location they could have had more generalized was that it was in England, which they already knew from the briefing.

"Forgive me sir, but I really am having troubling understanding how we are meant to find the object." Hermione said. "The West Midlands is a large area of the country. We have only a short time to find the object."

"I understand that Miss Granger, let me explain how you will do it." The Minister dropped the file onto his desk and leant back in his chair. "As we're trying to keep this incident as hush, hush as possible, there is only so much we can do as an organisation to assist you in your assignment. We know it's in the West Midlands so you at least have a starting point. There are several things you can do to narrow your search. First of all you will do readings of all the cities to find which have the lowest magical signature. The ones with a low signature are the ones to search. Searching shall require you simply to cast a notice me not charm on the city. Joined towns and surrounding villages for one minute. The cities that do not fight the charm will not home the object, but there may be more than one that fights. All you need do then is cast a locater spell on the remaining city, the kind used for finding illegal potions; this will narrow your search even more. Eventually you will have an area of no more than five hundred buildings where the object could be. I would suggest trying the shops first as it will be easy and if we are lucky, the item in question will not have been sold yet."

Hermione brought a hand to her head. It was clear there were in for an exhausting time of it. Using those kinds of spells on such large areas was draining at best, and on top of that there would be a large amount of leg work. She suddenly had the disturbing wish she was ill and therefore was not obliged to work.

Snape suppressed a sigh. He was trying to ignore the fact that his heart was pounding. He needed to focus. This mission was going to be tricky, time consuming and energy draining. Add the way he felt about Hermione into the mix and he'd be surprised if they got out alive. Maybe he should just lie down on the floor and pray for death, or poison himself. It would be less painful.

The minister leant forward.

"Are there any question?" Both parties shook their heads, still be careful to avoid looking at each other. The minister sighed. "I need to know I can count of the two of you. Whatever this personal issue is that's leading you to act a little like children needs to be put aside. You are both adults you can act like professionals." Both Snape and Hermione's heads shot up to stare at the minister. They hadn't realised they were being so obvious. The minister raised his eyebrows at the pair.

"Can I count on you?"

**A/N Okay, half the time I feel like this is rushed, the other half I feel like I'm dragging it out. Which is it? Please review**

**Kindest Regards**

**ER**


	13. Hotel

Severus threw his suitcase on the bed in annoyance. The last minute instructions the minister had given them were unwelcome to say the least. They had to pretend to be muggles and to be married. Of all the stupid rules the minister could have thought up he had to go for that one. It made sense; some hotels wouldn't let a man and woman share a room unless they were married. It also made sense for them to share a room as it would make their research more effective and save time, but married? Thank god that's all they had to do. Many married couples weren't affectionate in public. It was still disconcerting to have to introduce themselves as a couple.

Hermione was unpacking her suitcases, silently thanking merlin they'd been able to get a twin room rather than a double. There was no way she could have handled sharing a bed with Severus. Although the receptionist had given them a slight frown when they asked for a twin rather than a double, she was glad no questions had been asked. Pretending to be married to Severus was hard enough without awkward questions.

Severus watched Hermione as she made her way to the bathroom with her arms full.

"What on earth do you need so many things for?" She turned and glared at him before striding over and depositing her things on the bed. She picked them up one by one whilst listing them in annoyance.

"Anti-perspirant, toothbrush, toothpaste, shower gel, shampoo, conditioner, face-wash, sanitary towels, flannel. Anything you don't think I need?" She snapped. Severus swallowed and shook his head, whilst opening his suitcase.

"Good!" She barked before going into the bathroom and slamming the door. He flinched. _Nice one Severus. _He thought to himself. _First conversation with Hermione and it turns into a confrontation. Smooth._ He sighed and started unpacking. If this was going to work he was going to have to get over it. Just complete the job and then go home.

Hermione placed her things in the bathroom, biting her tongue to hold her tears back. He was being very cold towards her, but what did she expect? She'd left him with barely an explanation and subsequently ignored him unless she had no choice but to acknowledge him. She didn't have to snap at him. It wasn't an unreasonable question. She could have just said 'I'm a girl' or 'For my routine'. But no, she had to go and start a fight. A short fight but she'd still gone and attacked him for asking a simple question. Even if she had felt the need to explain, she could have done it without jumping down his throat. They'd only been here ten minutes and already she was making it hard for him.

She sat down and put her head in her hands. She had to be strong and sensible. They had to live as muggles to conserve their magic and not mess up their search. It wouldn't help to work up tension between them. It was best if they were no more than civil to each other. They could ignore the unresolved issues they had; they spent weeks doing it they could carry on. She swallowed and stood up. She could do this, she was a professional. With new resolve she walked out of the bathroom and almost straight into Severus, who had his hand poised to knock. Unfortunately in stopping herself from walking into him she lost her balance. He caught her and she looked into his eyes. His hands were just below her shoulders while hers were resting on his forearms. There was a pause where they just stared into each other's eyes, and then there was a knock on the door. They jumped and broke apart. Hermione tried not to run to her wardrobe while Severus answered the door.

"Sorry to disturb you sir, but your wife left this downstairs." The receptionist handed Severus a small pink purse.

"Thank you." He said. The girl smiled and walked away. Severus closed the door frowning at the purse. Pink wasn't really a colour Hermione had a great fondness for. He walked over to where she was hanging up a dress and tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped as she turned and he held put her purse. She looked at it for a moment as if she didn't know what it was then took it gently.

"Thank you, I was just wondering where I'd put it."

"You left it downstairs didn't know you owned anything pink."

"It was a gift from Ginny when my application went through at the ministry. It's part of her unending quest to make me more girly." He smirked at her.

"Indeed? Do you not qualify as a girl without pink possessions?" She smiled slightly.

"Not according to Ginny, or Lavender, or Parvati or any other girl I'm friends with. They all say I'm too dull and…" She stopped herself. She was going to say too much. She shrugged. They were meant to be civil, not friendly. "Let's just say I'm just not a typical girl and my friends seem determined to make me one. Severus shrugged.

"If you were a typical girl Hermione I doubt you would have done as well at school. Your NEWT results were remarkable." She blushed slightly at the compliment.

"They weren't the best Hogwarts has ever seen."

"Yes they were."

"How do you know?"

"You beat me."

"Really?" She breathed. Belatedly wondering if it was a joke. Severus nodded.

"By six marks. I held the record before you came along."

"I'm sorry, Severus."

"Don't ever apologise for your intelligence, Hermione. I was forced to apologise for my good marks every day by James Potter and his friends. I wouldn't wish that on you for any reason." There was a pause. Then Hermione smiled and resumed putting her clothes away.

"Thank you." She said quietly.

"You're welcome."


	14. Draining

**A/N Wow! 2,090 words! I think this is the longest chapter I have ever written! Please R/R **

**Kindest Regards**

**ER**

"So how do you suggest we do this?" Hermione sighed.

"I suggest we do the ones with the highest population first and work backwards. The ones with the larger populations will take more magical energy so it makes sense to get those out of the way. That way if we're unable to do all the cities tonight we can be pretty sure we'll be able to complete it tomorrow." Hermione nodded.

"And those would be?" Severus looked at the map.

"Birmingham, Wolverhampton, Stoke-on-Trent and Coventry." Hermione nodded and stood up. Severus stood opposite her,

"Okay, I'm not entirely sure what to do." Severus pointed at the map.

"Here's Birmingham, here's Stoke, there's Wolverhampton and that's Coventry. Focus on those four points whilst we cast the incantation, they'll glow and the colour will tell us the intensity of the magical signature. Blue, red and green are the ones we need to look into, the others we can forget about." Severus looked at Hermione who nodded. They cast the spell and after about a minute, Birmingham glowed red, Coventry white, Wolverhampton yellow and Stoke-on-Trent blue. Hermione pulled out a pad and wrote down Birmingham and Stoke-on-Trent.

"Ready to go again?" Severus asked.

"Yes, which four are next?"

"Dudley, Walsall, Telford and West Bromwich." Severus pointed them out on the map and they began again. This time only Telford glowed the right colour. Next on the list were Tamworth and Worchester. Then they had to stop. They'd tested sixteen cities, all of which had a population of more than fifty thousand people. To say it had been draining was an understatement. Both Hermione and Severus were exhausted and very hungry. After resting for five minutes they went to the restaurant connected to the side of the small bed and breakfast they were staying at. When they'd started eating and still hadn't said a word to each other since ordering Hermione felt she had to speak or she'd go mad.

"How is everyone at Hogwarts Severus?"

"Oh they're all well. Nothing much changes there." _Except you're not there anymore._

"No I don't suppose it does." _If that were true I wouldn't have left._

"And how's working at the ministry?"

"Oh it's alright, very different than teaching." _Which is why I may kill myself if I stay there much longer._

"Any new friends?" _Please don't say you have a boyfriend Hermione, it may kill me._

"No. No-one new." _You fill my thoughts too much._

A silence fell between the two. Too much was left unspoken and they both knew it. All this polite chit-chat and meaningless small talk was their way of avoiding the issue which hung between them. Neither had either the courage or the strength to bring it up, especially not tonight with them feeling so drained. Better to just ignore it and focus on the present, the job that needed doing.

The rest of the meal, apart from the odd comment on the food, was spent in silence. Neither Hermione nor Severus could think of anything to say. Back in their room, Hermione used the bathroom and changed first. When Severus climbed into bed Hermione seemed to be fast asleep. In reality her mind was whirring, trying to find some semblance of control in the whirlpool that was her emotions. She had no idea how she felt about anything. About her job, about the hotel, about Severus, about anything. She felt totally lost and it unnerved her. She was used to being in control. Used to being sensible and organised. Not confused and all over the place.

She needed to sort herself out. She couldn't focus her mind and energy if her emotions were all out of control. She decided to do what she did best, and analyse the situation so as to name how she felt about it.

First of all how she felt about her job. On the whole, it was so mundane and uninteresting she didn't think she'd be able to do it for much longer. She wanted to learn and make a difference, not sit in an office all day waiting for someone to either bring in an object for her to fix or fill in a form about some boring case.

Her assignment at the moment, while so far nothing that she dreaded seemed to have happened, it was only a matter of time. Dinner had been a strange affair to say the least. So, she hated her job and this current assignment was stressful, there were two emotions accounted for.

Next she thought about the hotel. Whilst more a bed and breakfast than an actual hotel, it was pleasant, comfortable and clean. They'd managed a twin room, there was an adjoining restaurant that served decent food, and it was a t a reasonable price. Living as a muggle while a little inconvenient was necessary. Hermione had lived as a muggle for eleven years before she found out she was a witch. It was more of a strain on Severus, but then he wasn't used to it like she was. A lot of everyday things she could do with magic she did the muggle way out of habit anyway. So the accommodation and muggle lifestyle was no problem, she was content. Two more things off the list.

Unfortunately, she now had to work out how she felt about Severus. That was where her emotions were all over the place and hard to sort through. She still had feelings for him that was apparent. She'd tried to forget him and failed, she'd tried not to be affected by him and she'd failed, she'd tried to keep their relationship no more than civil and she'd failed. Why? Why had she had to go and fall for him? That wasn't part of the plan.

The plan had been to go to Hogwarts to teach muggle studies, be friendly with her colleagues and enjoy herself. She had enjoyed teaching immensely and become good friends with most of the faculty. But with Severus…it'd just been different.

She hadn't tried to be his best friend but had been polite and friendly. To her surprise he had pretty much reciprocated. It was like her being a teacher rather than a student had totally altered his opinion of her. They had become close and she'd enjoyed his company. He easily matched her in intelligence and he had such interesting insight and theories about so many different subjects. They'd enjoyed long conversations in front of the fire and lively debates well into the night. It had been inevitable really, the progression. Colleagues to friends to more than friends. She wasn't sure how to label their relationship. Severus wasn't the kind of person you could call a boyfriend; partner was too formal a term and lover sounded too sordid. Whilst they had made love during their short involvement their relationship wasn't about sexual gratification. They had challenged each other and they were so alike in many ways.

It had been easy to miss their similarities when Hermione had been a student. If nothing else Severus had still been a double agent at that time. No-one would have said there was anything they had in common back then. When Hermione had become a teacher though, she'd seen herself in him. They were both brilliant, they both had a passion for teaching, despite Severus being a master at hiding it. They were both lonely too, Severus had, had few friends growing up and in his adult life, Hermione often felt neglected by her friends, she just wasn't interested in the same things as them. It wasn't that they didn't try to involve her, but they didn't seem to understand she wasn't into quidditch and had never been a girly girl.

Severus had understood though, because they were so similar. Both eager to learn, eager to research new theories and desperate for intelligent conversation. She couldn't pinpoint exactly when she'd fallen for him, it had been a gradual building of feelings until she suddenly realised she loved him as more than a friend. She could remember that night as clearly as if it had been yesterday.

_Flashback_

_Hermione leant back slightly, the warmth from the fire was soothing, and it had been a hard day. Severus walked to her side and handed her a glass of firewhiskey. She smiled in thanks and he smiled back before sitting beside her on the couch._

"_So tell me, Hermione." He said silkily. "What was it that made today so hard?"_

"_Am I that transparent?" She asked, turning to him and raising an eyebrow._

"_You are positively opaque." He said softly, making her giggle slightly. She did enjoy his sense of humour; he always managed to make her smile, especially when she needed to._

"_Well, Jesson decided he was going to be ever so clever and show us all how to use a microwave." She turned to Severus who was frowning. "You know what a microwave is?" _

"_Yes but surely it wouldn't work in Hogwarts?"_

"_Well that's where he tried to be clever and tried to charm it to work without electricity."_

"_Oh."_

"_Yes 'oh'. He succeeded in turning it on, only then it wouldn't stop and proceeded to melt." She paused to take a sip of her drink. Since spending time with Severus, she'd developed quite a taste for it. She continued with her story. "Suffice it to say I'm glad my students had the sense to run and if the house elves manage to remove all the remains of the microwave from the walls, I shall never even think about freeing them again. I'll also get them to make my favourite cake more often as they seem to love doing that." Severus chuckled and took a sip of his own drink._

"_They probably love you letting them work rather than trying to give them clothes. I have a question though Hermione. You're a clever witch, why didn't you stop him?"_

"_Unfortunately he used whatever small substitute for sense he has and started before I arrived. Believe me, if I'd been there before he turned the damn thing on it never would have happened and his punishment would have been a little less severe." Severus raised an eyebrow._

"_Indeed? And what punishment did you give him Professor Granger?"_

"_I deducted fifty points, a month's detention with Filch, and spoke to Minerva. It's led to half of Gryffindor house is no longer speaking to him." Snape inclined his head in approval._

"_Admirable Hermione, I'm glad to see you don't play favourites with your old house."_

"_Oh no." Hermione said playfully. "That's _your _job Professor."_

"_Now whatever gave you that idea, Miss Granger?"_

"_That's _Professor _Granger, thank you very much."_

"_And here I was thinking I'd earned the privilege of calling you Hermione." There was a pause. They were both slightly taken aback by how he'd lovingly caressed her name as he said it. They looked at each other for a moment. The only sound was the crackling of the fire. Hermione swallowed hard._

"_You may call me whatever you wish…Severus." He leaned forward slightly and gently removed her glass from her hand. He set his and hers down then leant forward again. He slowly, gently, placed a hand on her cheek._

"_My Hermione?" He whispered._

Hermione sat up straight in bed, squeezing her eyes tightly. When had she fallen asleep and her thoughts had turned into a dream? It was so damn accurate as well. As though she'd been watching her memory from a pensieve. She opened her eyes and looked over at Severus. His eyes were closed and he was breathing evenly. Obviously, her thoughts were affecting her far more than his were. He probably was calm, collected and in control of his thoughts and emotions. It wasn't fair. She got up and went to the bathroom for a glass of water,

As soon as the door to the bathroom close, Severus' eyes shot open. He hadn't been able to sleep but, judging from Hermione's actions upon waking, he had guessed she probably wouldn't want to him to have seen so feigned sleep. Had she had a bad dream? She'd had nightmares in the past; he knew that, he'd had first-hand experience. The difference now, was that he wasn't able to hold her and kiss her fears away. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes, trying to relax and force his bod to sleep It was two hours later, that the pair finally slept, and an hour after that, the alarm went off.


	15. Memories

**A/N Gosh it's been a while! So sorry. Hope this makes up for it. More a little insight and history than anything else. Hope it's alright. Please review! **

**Kindest Regards ER**

Severus sat up in bed and groaned, rubbing his eyes with one hand. He heard Hermione move and turn the alarm off.

"I'm going to kill someone!" He growled.

"Who?" Hermione asked in a sleepy voice, still in bed herself. He turned to look at her then quickly looked away as he saw she was stretching her tired body.

"No-one in particular, but if they're still alive the inventor of the alarm." He threw the covers off and went to the bathroom. Hermione moaned and rubbed her temples. She had a headache coming, lack of sleep always gave her a bad headache and she'd hardly slept at all. She'd got maybe an hour and however long her dream had been, probably only a few seconds. That's how long dreams generally were.

She dragged herself out of bed and picked out her clothes for the day. She heard the shower running. _Why did he get to use the bathroom first?_ She pushed the thought aside. She wasn't up for a confrontation today, not even one in her own mind. She just needed to wake herself up and drain some more magic to make some headway in the assignment. At least after today they'd finish the magical signature readings. But then would be the notice me not charms. While relatively simple, casting them on several large places at once would be just as draining as the reading spells. She shook her head. She wouldn't dwell on such unwelcome thoughts.

The bathroom door opened and a damp, half-naked Severus walked out with a towel tied around his waist. Hermione blushed.

"Bathroom's free." He said evenly without looking at her. Hermione scooped up her clothes and hurried to the bathroom. _For god's sake couldn't he have at least put a robe on? _Thank merlin he hadn't seen her blush. He'd always had that effect on her. For some reason the sight of him in less than full teaching robes had always brought warm feelings to her. Muggle clothes she could just about manage, even though she hated how good he looked in them, but just a towel? If he carried on like this she wouldn't have to kill herself, her heart would probably just give up and shut down. _Get a hold of yourself Hermione! _She admonished herself. _You're a grown-up, sensible woman. Act like it!" _He always managed to make her feel out of control. Even when he wasn't trying and there had been plenty of times when he'd tried…

_Flashback_

"_I still think Heston Metabolises theories are more accurate,"_

"_Well I think you're crazy." He said evenly. She glared at him. _

"_Congratulations, Severus. I believe you've just discovered the world's weakest argument."_

"_For goodness sake girl, you never could admit when you were wrong could you?"_

"_For your information, _Professor, _I can, only when I am wrong though. It is you that is so stubborn you can't open your mind an iota to consider the possibility you are ever wrong."_

"_I am not wrong!"_

"I _am not wrong!"_

"_Well we can't both be right!"_

"_Well then, my dear Severus, it appears we have reached an impasse." _

"_It is not my fault my dear, that you lack the ability to think beyond what you're told." He said quietly, regarding her with some amusement. Despite her calm declaration of them being at, as she put it, 'an impasse', she was flustered. With the two of them being equally matched in intelligence, whenever they disagreed it was always interesting. Severus enjoyed the moments she got flustered, it was easier at such times to throw her off-balance._

"_You know Severus, sometimes you make me feel so…" She looked at him; he had that look in his eyes again._

"_So?"_

"_Out of control." She said gently. He was looking at her in a way that made her feel light headed, like she was on a cloud. _

"_Well then Hermione, shall we just agree to disagree?"_

"_That doesn't sound like you Severus. Surely you would prefer to stay up all night arguing with me until we're either forced to stop or you convince me I'm wrong." He turned his head slightly, focusing on the wall._

"_To be honest, Hermione, I can think of a much better way to spend the night."_

She shook her head. She had to stop thinking about the past. She had to focus on the present, on the assignment. She had to get it over with so she could go back to being miserable on her own instead of miserable with company. She turned on the shower and jumped under it, thankful the sound of the water drowned out her tears.

"For god's sake Severus, get a grip!" Severus hissed at himself as he roughly pulled on his clothes. It was becoming increasingly hard not to stare at Hermione. Did she have to stretch so provocatively first thing in the morning? Did she have to look so delicious with bed hair? Did she have to look the same as she had when she'd left? Why was she beautiful? Why couldn't she have stayed the buck-toothed, bushy-haired know-it-all he knew so well? She'd transformed into a beautiful young woman. Her teeth had been shrunk in her fourth year, and her hair had gone from a bushy mess to beautiful elegant curls. Even first thing in the morning he thought she looked beautiful. He shook his head. He couldn't think about her like that anymore. She was his partner on an assignment, nothing more. They weren't even friends anymore. He tried to ignore the pain of that truth. _Don't cry, Severus. _He told himself sternly. _You don't cry. _Hermione came out of the bathroom, dressed and looking irritated. He knew better than to ask what was wrong. She seemed to mentally shake herself then looked up at him.

"Ready?"

SHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHS

"Well that was a bloody waste of time!" Growled Severus as he sat down heavily on the bed. He and Hermione had just finished reading the remaining towns and not one of them had, had a low magical signature. They'd drained themselves to have no other leads than they'd found the day before.

"It could have been worse." Hermione said in a tired voice as she stretched her tired limbs. "They could have all been leads." Severus shrugged without looking at her.

"You have a point." He said as he stood up. "Tea?"

"Yes please." Severus took the small kettle from the tray in one corner of the room and filled it with water. He inspected the tea bags as it boiled.

"Good grief, how many different teas are there? Camomile, green, peppermint, earl grey, English breakfast…what happened to plain old tea?"

"It changed its name to English breakfast." Hermione sighed.

"Well that was a damn fool thing to do. It had a perfectly fine name to begin with."

"I must say I agree with you there Severus. While I enjoy camomile now and again just normal tea is all I need." Severus smiled in spite of himself as he extracted two English breakfast teabags from the seemingly endless variety. There were many trivial things he and Hermione agreed on. It was one of the reasons they'd got on so well. He pushed the thought aside and concentrated on making the tea. He was trying to forget the past, not relive it.

He glanced at Hermione as the kettle boiled. She'd locked her hands together behind her neck and was rolling her shoulders, trying to relax her tired muscles. Draining magic was enough to make any witch or wizard feel achy and tired all over. Hermione had her eyes closed and was rolling her neck slightly at the same time. Severus found himself watching her. She was graceful and elegant in her movements, always had been, at least in his eyes. He tore them away. She wasn't his anymore and he wasn't allowed to look. Though he couldn't stop thinking she was beautiful.

_Flashback_

_They were working together. Madame Pomfrey was running low on pepper-up potion and calming draughts, ironically enough. Hermione had offered to help when Snape had flooed her to cancel their plans of sharing a nightcap in his quarters, saying he needed to make the potions Madame Pomfrey had asked for. Being a reasonable potions maker and wanting to spend time with the man who was fast becoming her best friend, Hermione had offered without really thinking about it. She was starting to regret her decision. While it was nice to spend some time brewing potions with Snape, it left little room for conversation. Both potions needed attention and concentration or it would be ruined and they'd have to start all over again. Unknown to her, Hermione's every movement was being watched, if askance. _

_Severus marvelled at how elegant she was. Both in prepping and adding the ingredients. All her movements had a natural grace to them; he wondered why he had never noticed it before. But then he'd discovered and noticed many things about Hermione since they'd become friends. Before that, since they'd been colleagues._

_Her eyes were bright with concentration, her hair would now and again fall to hide her face and she'd push t back without thinking about it. When she got too hot she'd wipe her brow with the back of her hand before carrying on with whatever she was doing. It was times like this she reminded him very much of himself. Focused on the task at hand, not giving herself a break until she'd got it right and done everything that was needed. She'd have made a very fine potions mistress. _

_His potion needing to simmer and hers still taking concentration, he allowed himself to look at her for a minute. She'd definitely filled out since her student days. She'd matured in mind, body and spirit. Her bushy hair was now soft curls; her petite, thin frame had become curvy in all the right places. Her soft features reflected her intelligence. Her eyes sparkled with wisdom and maturity, she'd had to grow up fast and the ghosts of the war were visible in her face, but it showed strength more than anything. She was a powerful witch and she was enchanting, no-one could deny that. _

_He caught himself staring and looked away. Ogling his best friend was a perfect way to make an awkward situation. She was his best friend, he enjoyed her company and she knew him better than most. He wondered why he'd been so struck by her appearance, he tried to rationalise it before giving into the voice in his head. 'She's beautiful, simple as that.' She was beautiful, beautiful intelligent Hermione, his friend._

_End Flashback_

Severus shook himself, that was then, this was now. He busied himself with making the tea. They weren't friends anymore, they weren't even colleagues. After this assignment was over, that would be it. They'd probably never see each other again. He ignored the pain that came with that particular thought, he'd learnt to.

Hermione glanced over at Severus. His movements were still graceful, like a cat. He supposed it came from his years as a spy. He was quick, quiet and fluid in his movements. He gave the impression that nothing could catch him off-guards. That he was calm, collected and unflappable. She had thought it was all true until she'd found the real him. Underneath it all he was a man like any other, with insecurities and flaws, as well as confidences and skills. She'd learnt so much about him and he's learnt about her. They knew each other inside out and back to front, were best friends and…more. Now look at them, almost strangers. What had happened? Hoe had they let it come to this? It was too late now though. They'd both made choices, they'd both changed. Too much had been left unsaid and they couldn't say it now. The time had come and gone and now they just had to live with it. Severus wordlessly handed Hermione her tea. She took it with a nod of thanks and they sat at opposite end of the rooms drinking. Both lost in their thoughts. Neither saying a word. Equally alone.


End file.
